MEN OF DESTINY: The Top 8 Gundam Themes

Because Gundam is fucking tits and so is its music.

If you've never seen any of the Gundam series, it's one of the most influential in the history of anime (and science fiction in general). It's essentially the Star Trek of Japan, and like Star Trek, most of the plots are the same. They go like this: a guy who's way too young... or inexperienced... or from space...accidentally or reluctantly becomes the pilot of a unique robot death machine, and starts turning the tide during an allegory for World War II.

Nazi's? Never...never heard of 'em. Why?

It's always been one of my favorite universes for its richness, scope, and diversity. Further, the franchise has consistently thrilled me with knock-down, drag-out giant robot action while also fleshing out the moral complexities of war. In particular, the original series in 1979 showed how there really are no "good guys" or "bad guys" in war, except at the top. The rest are grunts, just tryin' to get by.

Of course, all that philosophy is set amid giant fucking robots beating each other into scrap, and that juxtaposition is part of what makes Gundam series awesome. The other part is the KICK-ASS theme music. And it is to those that I devote this post, counting down from 8 to 1 my favorite theme songs from the Gundam universe. LET'S DO IT.

8. "Tobe! Gandamu", Mobile Suit Gundam

This one is just so hilarious goofy and 70's I love it. Especially because the series itself can be so damned serious and harsh. Not to mention the lyrics are ludicrously bombastic, including "Strike them down with your righteous fury, Gundam!" and "Face the Milky Way and fly, Gundam!" 

7. "All Of These People Will Die", Victory Gundam

Named from what is currently the top-rated comment on the YouTube video by one LordAaronus. The actual title is "Standup to the Victory" (Stand up to the main character? Is this urging on the enemy?) But again, terrifically upbeat and catchy song...horrifically depressing and senseless slaughter in the series itself. Seriously, almost the entire cast dies by the end of it, many of them in pitiful, meaningless, and gut-wrenching ways.

By the way, the creator of Gundam was at the deepest point in his battle with his depression during the making of this series. Coincidence?

I think not.

6. "Just Communication", Mobile Suit Gundam Wing

Ahhhhh Engrish. Songs with gratuitous Engrish will be making several appearances on this list. 

First up, we have "Just Communication", from the wildly successful (in the US, at least) Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. First off, the song is relentlessly catchy and driving in a 90's techno kind of way. And of course, there is the tremendous Engrish of the lyrics: the full title of this number should be "Just Wild Beat Communication", because that is a line they actually say. Some Japanese songwriter picked those words specifically out of the entire English language to be the words that start the chorus. Why?  

Only the Japanese know.

5. "Flying in the Sky", Mobile Fighter G Gundam

Oh. Ohhhh, G Gundam. This and ZZ Gundam are pretty much the black sheep of the Gundam family. They're also the two most light-hearted and funny in the whole franchise. Coincidence?

I think n-WAIT, the FUCK!?

As you can tell from the above picture, G Gundam eats, sleeps, and shits ridiculousness. And its theme song, ridiculously exuberant and optimistic, prepares viewers adequately for the relentlessly absurd yet earnest experience that is G Gundam. It is really quite unlike any other series, and in that way, its theme song is utterly fitting. 

4. "Arashi no Naka de Kagayaite", Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team

Awwwww jyeah. If I were judging the opening animation as well, this would almost certainly be at number one. 

As it is though, the drama and action practically dripping from the singer's voice really bring this song to the top. There's a kind of sad but determined drive to the song, and especially in the vocals, which fits nicely with the series' Romeo And Juliet With Giant Robots theme. Although the opening bars do sound like a local news channel's "Breaking News" music. Your mileage may vary on whether that's a good thing or not.

3. "The Winner", Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory

Eventually, if you stick with this blog long enough you'll learn that I have tremendous affection for the 80's. That might be why one of my favorite Gundam series is 0083: Stardust Memory. And the opening theme song is a perfect balance of 80's cheese (whatever that warbling opening noise is...sax, maybe?) and 80's awesome (crazy guitars and an almost too-earnest singer). 

Yes, Kou is a bit of a little bitch. Yes, his romance with nerdy scientist girl (hereon referred to as NSG's) Nina Purpleton is about as believable and unforced as the standard "weather balloon" explanation for UFO's. And yes, the ending basically gives out free passes for the Rage Train. 

But God DAMN it if it isn't one of the most exciting and dynamic anime series I've ever watched. It's just balls-to-the-wall action and drama with robots so cool they might as well have been wearing leather jackets. Combined with the terrific 80's songs, it's basically the Top Gun of Gundam series, and that's probably why I love it (and this theme) so much. 

2. "Dramatic Tympani Barrage", Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam

Now, Wikipedia says that this song is named "Zeta no Kodo". But that's bullshit.

This song is what tympanists jack off to. It's just so pulse-poundingly dramatic and weighty and kind of depressing, mirroring the series itself. 

Now, you may point out that his is the American theme to Zeta Gundam for its DVD release. The original opening theme is a fluffy pop tune named "Zeta - Toki wo Koete":

Noticing a pattern yet in these themes? No matter how terrifyingly bleak the series is (and Zeta is just about as bleak as Gundam gets, barring Victory Gundam) the opening songs are always cheery pop melodies. But this one just doesn't do it for me.

"Tympani Assault", on the other hand, just fits Zeta so well. It treats Zeta as the weighty, moody, philosophical space epic it is, and gives it the melancholy theme tune it deserves, and that's why it's so high on this list.

1. "Men of Destiny", Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory

This song is made of orgasm.

If the 80's had sex with The Fonz and their baby was raised by giant robots, this is what would result. 

The opening punches you in the face and dares you to stop it from fucking your sister. Then the most dramatic guitar solo in history unloads hot robo-guitar spunk all over you, and you just can't help but be in awe.

Pretty much the only lyrics that are in English are "I wanna get the chance", "I wanna get your love", and "MEN OF DESTINY". And those are the ONLY WORDS YOU NEED TO KNOW.

There's a driving sense of fate and drama just dripping from every aspect of this song. It's one of the only ones on this list that I listen to on my iPod regularly. The reason is for moments like this: I was going out to trim the lawn one day, and I hit the "play" button as I walked into the garage.

I hit the garage opener as the music started. And as that guitar solo surged through my headphones, the garage door rose dramatically right in front of my face, throwing harsh sunlight into the chamber. I just stood there, feet apart, fists clenched, and made the most badass face and pose I could.

This song was so awesome it made me PRETEND TO BE A GIANT ROBOT. 

And it was THE SHIT like you WOULDN'T BELIEVE.