Christian and Bruce In: The Advancing Case of Butthurt

“Advancing” having the disease-related meaning. See, I think Bruce Willis and Christian Bale both suffer from a similar career ailment.

I was dicking around on Youtube and happened upon the entire pilot of “Moonlighting”. Not to narc (WACHUN THINGS FO FREE IS WRANG), but for those of you who are unfamiliar, “Moonlighting” was the big break of Bruce Willis. What's shocking is that he doesn't play a beleaguered lone wolf cop, he doesn't play a cop who plays by his own rules, he doesn't even play a police officer who routinely disregards the procedures of his department. He plays a smarmy, charming private detective, who will mug at any opportunity and sounds like he walked out of His Girl Friday. And he's a god-damned revelation. He's hilarious, and you wonder what the hell happened to that side of him. I'll tell you: Hudson Hawk happened.

This Movie's Underrated: George Romero's "Day of the Dead"

Chances are that most of you have seen at least one type of zombie movie whether its tone tended towards actual horror, like 28 Days Later, comedy, like Shaun of the Dead, or ruining good things like World War Z. Given that variety, it's surprising that essentially the entire zombie genre as we know it today can be traced to one film: George Romero's Night of the Living Dead. This film established literally every rule about the modern conception of a zombie, as well as the modern conception of a zombie apocalypse: they shamble about, their heads are their only killing zone, they crave human flesh. Even the idea of a zombie as an exclusively undead creature (as opposed to voodoo zombies, which are basically brainwashed people) owes its existence to Night. Night's sequel, Dawn of the Dead, went even further, exploring the breakdown of society and government in the aftermath of a zombie outbreak, and codified basically all of the tropes you usually see in zombie apocalypse movies. Hence, it's easy to see why Night and Dawn are undisputed classics, even though the effects in Dawn have aged about as well as DOMA.

TOPICAL!