Regarding Hot Girls...

I was perusing Caveman Circus the today. It's a consistently good source for fap-worthy pictures. But today, what caught my eye was the "Girl-Of-The-Day", as it were, a blond whose only given name was "Breezie Stardust", which sounds like a flavor of Downy detergent.

Anyway, I noticed that in several pictures, she seems to be very angry at the photographer. The reason I say that is she's flipping off the camera. In pictures where she's holding the camera, this can be very awkward.

Note to attractive women: giving the middle finger does not make you "cool", "edgy", "hot", or "a rebel". It's something little kids do by accident. First of all, you already have large, round tits, and so guys will think you're whatever you want them to think you are just with a few verbal suggestions. Don't try to look spunky by flipping off photographers.

Luckily, as I said, you are attractive. When guys do it, it's even worse. I could understand if Native Americans flipped off photographers, but all, repeat ALL gentlemen have no business giving the finger in your Facebook profile pic.

"THAT'S MY SOUL YOU'RE STEALING, ASSWIPE--"

By the power vested in me by The Internet, I issue the following proclamation in the interest of curbing annoying shit. After exhausting research, I've come to the conclusion that giving the middle finger is only funny/awesome if the following groups do it:

Animals,

Fat people,

Because o'them big ol' sausage fingers!

Cartoons,

...And Johnny Cash.

Why is his hand blurry? Because he is WHIPPING that fucker out.

Now, I have nothing against using the middle finger when driving, or when you seriously fucking hate somebody. I must clarify that I only find it annoying when it's overused, or used solely to make people think you're cool or "hip". 

Nevertheless it's becoming trite in its serious uses. It seems like every day, I see somebody on the road whip it out. Every damn time I get on the highway, there's some car next to me who's got a finger boner. It's like everyone I'm around on the road has to give me the-

Oh.

Well, anyway, what I do in place of the middle finger when I've got case of Road Madness is the time-honored Air Job. This comes in two variations: The Air Hand-Job, where you mime jacking off a guy in the air, as if to say, "YOUR PENIS MUST BE GARGANTUAN TO ALLOW YOU TO DRIVE THAT HUMMER H2". The other, and my personal favorite for reasons that confuse even me, is The Air Blow-Job, as demonstrated here by Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids:

Eventually, these too will become trite as expressions of anger. But thankfully I think it's very rare that they will become annoying as desperate, misguided attempts to seem cool. I'm not sure anyone looks "edgy" pretending to blow an invisible giant.